The soft grey sky

Drifts to the ground

Brown rivulets

Trickle away

Trickle away

Washing sadness down

Weather vanes

Weep and turn

Weep and turn

Forgetting in the damp and grey

That by and by

The sun will shine

Sun will shine

By and by

The sun will shine.

Breakaway

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I just stared out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)

Trying not to reach out
But when I'd try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray (I would pray)
I could breakaway

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway

-6:20 PM

a lifestory.. i realized all of this in one day.. growing up.. as a kid.. i was tallest in the family.. taller than my older brother.. and slim.. some things never change.. every other relative i had.. made plans for me... as a kid.. i got inspired.. my lola.. she even told me to study hard.. so that when i grow up i could enter into all sorts of beauty pageants ang give out the wittiest answers or whatever [ms. mahinhin?.. now the secret's out.. i tried to be poised and elegant.. to portray the miss universe thingy my lola wanted me to be.. haha.. fool]... i was a wide reader.. never really content with the updated mags... i read reader's digests way back 1960s.. i strived to be what they wanted me to be.. my other lolo.. he wanted me to become an architect.. and asked me to take up the course in college.. of course this was a few years back.. i practiced drawing and got really hooked.. after all i did love art.. i was best artist in grade school.. not boasting.. i was resourceful.. i had my mom's smarts in making complicated things seem easy.. [everything was planned out.. i was to enroll in art classes to further improve my talent.. somehow that plan vaporized along with my hopes of becoming an artist]... my parents.. they wanted to break the long chain of doctors and engineers in the family.. so they wanted me to take up law.. become a lawyer they say.. i read john grisham books.. got horrified.. then made up my mind.. corporate law.. yeah that's it.. [something that's totally under my control... or so i think].. hmm music.. it goes thru my mind.. but it never really touched my soul... i used to love playing the piano.. i was the only one determined enough to practice everyday [maybe because i wanted so bad to be approved by my parents..]... then stopped.. [si jeni kahit anong practice.. ganun parin tumugtog.. na kay audrey yung magandang tipa..] now if you still think i know how to play the piano.. you are very much mistaken i have stopped long before high school.. this is how my desire to play the guitar came to be.. something that my sisters haven't tried.. too bad i have short sweaty fingers i can't really do anything with... way to go.. haha.. i had solos in a choir when i was a kid.. then suddenly.. i closed my mouth and decided not to sing anymore.. i'd hideout whenever the kareoke machine got set up.. i don't know the reasons.. i just did.. gave up.. [actually i do know the reasons.. i'd have to put up with everyone gawking at my sister whose got the diva voice and the diva attitude.. i'd rather stay far away and not take the risk of stupid tears...] sitting in traffic yesterday.. the failing light.. magical rush hour.. when the highway is filled with cars.. bumper to bumper.. and tailights are flashing.. one cannot help but feel small.. i looked up at the sun roof.. no stars yet.. and then i heard my lola say.. "tricie.. bakit hindi ka mag-enter sa binibining manila o yung mga ganun ganun..?" [maybe she forgot that i was her little miss universe].. then i heard it.. "meron ka namang height eh.." [hmm okay].. i smiled my smile number four.. when we finally got home.. i was asked by my tita if i were to go to school the next day.. there were no classes but classes will resume the next day... she said ah so nagsusummer ka.. sabi ko yup.. the fake cheery self still on.. bumagsak ako sa math eh.. i really did not like the answer i got back.. "ang hirap naman sa UP.. ang galing galing mo... tapos bumagsak ka sa math.." i wanted to scream.. i am no longer the perfect little girl you all thought would grow up into the perfect woman.. as a kid this was different... i thought the world was real easy and everything people say could come true.. all i had to do was work hard on it.. anastacia.. i now know how you feel.. "people always say that life is full of choices.. no one ever mentions fear.. or how the world could seem so vast.." i learned recently from an animated series that reality in fact does not exist.. it is just the world that you have created for yourself that we call reality.. that is why we have different ideas of what is real and what is not.. miss little universe.. maybe i'm that person.. my universe extends only to my own horizons.. i was wrong to mold it into this perfect little world.. but i am so glad i could still look up to the stars.. at least there i could only guess at what lies beyond.. i've never felt more limited and trapped than when i hear them say... [in one way or another].. i didn't turn out quite what they imagined me to be.. i'm no barbie doll..

**the heart of the problem is the problem of the heart..**

...sad thing is i have a weak heart.. [i have a fragile heart].. message to heart: don't beat yourself up too hard... don't shatter into a million pieces just yet..


-10:51 AM

haha.. naaadik nanaman ako sa isang anime.. sa fruits basket... grabe.. dami ko talagang natututunan sa mga anime na yan... buti pa sa cartoons hindi nakakatakot ang pusa... kyo-kun.. yuki-kun... hahaha angas.. sana tulad ni kyo pwede rin ako tumambay sa bubong.. idol ko si tohru... never be discouraged... tama!

**oh no.. this is bad.. hanggang 2am ako nanood.. sana naman hindi ako manghina bukas...

**ingat sa pag-uwi!!

-8:30 AM




-6:08 AM

"Over It"

How could you know
That behind my eyes a sad girl cried
And how could you know
That i hurt so much inside
And how could you know
That i'm not the average girl
I'm carrying the weight of the world

YEAH!

So can you get me outta here

[chorus]
Take me away
We'll jump in the car
Drive til the gas runs out and then walk so far
That we can't
See this place anymore
Take a day off
Give it a rest
So i can forget about this mess
If i lighten up a little bit,
Then i will be
Over It

I'm playin the role
Of the happy girl
But no one knows
Inside i'm alone
But i would never let it show
I get everyday
Too much work and not enough play
Over and over
It's always the same

YEAH!

But you can make everything OK...

[chorus]
Take me away
We'll jump in the car
Drive til the gas runs out and then walk so far
That we can't
See this place anymore
Take a day off
Give it a rest
So i can forget about this mess
If i lighten up a little bit,
Then i will be
Over it
Over it

And when the world is closin' in
I can leave it all and just walk away
I can always start all over again
I am closer to a better day

[chorus]
Take me away
We'll jump in the car
Drive til the gas runs out and then walk so far
That we can't
See this place anymore
Take a day off
Give it a rest
So i can forget about this mess
If i lighten up a little bit,
Then i will be
Take Me Away

[chorus]
Take Me Away
We'll jump in the car
Drive til the gas runs out and then walk so far
That we can't
See this place anymore
Take a day off
Give it a rest
So i can forget about this mess
If i lighten up a little bit,
Then i will be
If i lighten up a little bit,
Then i will be
Over It
Over It

I am Over It (over it)


-5:49 AM

... for four nights napanaginipan kita... wala namang nangyayaring significant except sa fourth dream.. sabihin mo nga sakin kung bakit..? haaay... hahaha ang labo ko... hmm... pero salamat sa pagsagip sakin nung nalulunod ako... haha takot ako malunod... hahaha.. oti..


-5:42 AM

oh mehn.. summer na summer.. super init.. tapos sinisipon ako tsaka inuubo.. haha.. strepsils and bengay.. two of my very best friends.. vicks narin tsaka efficascent oil... hahaha... strepsils dahil super sakit ng lalamunan ko.. bengay dahil ang sakit ng katawan ko [dahil sa sport climbing.. pero ang sarap ng feeling at the same time].. nakakapaso sa init.. dagdag pa yung summer heat.. oh yeah.. haha.. pero ok lang.. hmmm haaay.. pag busy ka nga naman.. wala nang free time ang isip mo para mag-isip ng kung anu-ano... hehe...

anali
andro
anna
audrey
brenda1
brenda2
calai
cris
dean
dremon
hannah
imma
james
jamie+yela
jonas
kate
katrina
leon
mark
migi
monique
yela
my multiply




October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 February 2007 March 2007

layout: jeanette
brushes: moargh
image: sxc
fonts : dafont