dailies
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
-2:52 AM
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
napanood ko na... nung saturday lang... at last... pero medyo disappointing... pinaka-favorite ko kasing book yun... parang peak.. climax... astig sana kung by the book... pero masyado mahaba... pero maganda narin.. the best of the four movies daw....
-2:37 AM
umaga... kasabay ko pumasok sa school...
tanghali.. nakasabay sa lunch...
hapon... nakasabay ko sa jeep... pag-uwi...
[ang weird ng araw ko.. all in one day... hmmmm]
Thursday, November 24, 2005
-5:00 PM
early morning.. sabi ko five mins pa... last na... haaaay... hindi ako nagising after five mins... tsktsk... edi naligo ng mabilis at naghanda narin ng mabilis... regular shirt... jeans at rubber shoes... ok na yan... haaay... nilanggam bag ko... ang oti... bakit kaya... lipat lahat ng amit.. laki tuloy ng ginamit kong bag... hmmm.... jeep na... buti nalang di ka umalis.... maaga sa school... masyado maaga... wala akong math... iba na ang sched.. ok so ten pa next class ko... sa cal... nagtext yung prof... walang klase.... ok.. 11'30 naman.. eng11... naghintay for thirty more minutes bago nagdecide na umalis na.. wala ring klase.... 1 o'clock... SEA30... huling subject... sige punta na dun... aba brownout.... hindi pala.... flicker on-off yung mga ilaw.... sabi ng prof hintayin lang daw hanggang 1'30 ok na daw yun... edi hintay.... walang nangyari... on-off parin ang mga ilaw at tv.. film viewing pa naman... wala na daw magagawa... sign nalang ng attendance at next meeting nalang daw ulit.... wala akong napasukan na klase... grabe talaga... sumakit ang ulo ko.. nawalan ng gana kumain... haaaaay....
Monday, November 21, 2005
-11:48 PM
sa totoo lang.. simula palang weird na mga pangyayari.. nagising ako ng maaga dahil sa aking nightmares... madalas ito nangyayari kaya nothing special... ang weird nga lang.... nagising akong umiiyak... long story kung ikkwento ko pa yung panaginip... edi bangon na lang... wash up at nag-umpisa sa chores... inuna ang lalaban.... hmm hehe... so niload ko sa washing machine.. mga 15 mins lang tapos na... hinang ko na sa labas... next load... mga maong pants... edi yun... ang nangyari... nasira ba naman yung washing machine.. hindi tumigil yung tubig.. eh nasa pc pa naman kami ni daddy... tumitingin ng mga pic... hindi namin namalayan.. ang layo ng inabot nung baha... haaay mop mop... hanggang sa likod ng piano... tsktsk... aga-aga.. nakakapagod kagad... tapos lumabas na sila daddy para maglinis ng car tapos si tricie pinaliguan si cibo... tapos nakarinig kami ng sigawan... unang pumasok sa isip ko... nakawala si cibo.. at may hinabol na kapitbahay or something...
tumingin ako sa labas at nakita kong may tinitigan sila daddy... nakatingala...
tapos tsaka ko narinig... SUNOG! SUNOG! TULONG! [si kc yun...].... pumasok si daddy at pinatay yung main switch ng bahay... inutusan akong tumawag ng bumbero... lumabas ulit dala yung aming fire extinguisher ... ang labo ng pangyayari... ang labo ng operator.. sinabi na ngang tandang sora philand drive!!....
paglabas ko malaki na yung apoy... nangangatog ako sa takot... ilang beats rin ang ni-skip ng heart ko... hinawakan ang hose at itinapat sa bahay ng ninang ko kasi malapit yun sa nasusunog na mga bahay.. nakitang dumating ang isang fire truck.. muntik masagasaan si cibo!!.. kinalimutan na sa pagpanic ng mga tao... kinuha ko siya... tapos yun lang ang bitbit ko talaga... si cibo lang...
sigaw at iyak ng mga tao.. mainit at mausok... sa totoo lang nung nilingon ko yung sunog.. umiiyak nanaman na ako....
hmmm... natapos rin.. isang oras lang ata.. o hidni ko alam kung gano na katagal... nagpapasalamat ako at pagkatapos ng lahat ng gulo... may bahay parin kaming pinasukan... at sa kama ko parin ako natulog...
malamig nga pag gising sa umaga.. pero hindi mawala yung amoy ng abo at usok... na nakakatakot lalo...
4 na bahay yung mga nasunog... as in reduced to rubble.... glass shards tapos twisted metal tsaka melted drain pipes yung makikita dun... haaay... paranoid pa mga tao sa ngayon.. nandun rin yung effect ng usok na nalanghap namin.. kaya't napapadalas ang sakit ng aking ulo at pagkahilo... si audrey rin... masama ang pakiramdam...
narealize ko na pag nagkasunog.. as in sa bahay namin.. hindi ko alam kung ano ang importante... nawawalan ng halaga lahat... or baka nagfreeze nanaman ako... sa takot.. walang naisip.... choker talaga....
[malaki ang naitulong ng pagdasal... sobrang magkakadikit ang mga bahay samin.... at mabilis talagng kakalat ang apoy.... wala ng nagawa yung mga katabing bahay.. wala silang nakuhang gamit.... nasunog lahat... the same day ko nareceive yung text message na... Jesus tests our faith as he sleeps while the boat is tossed... but he wakes up before it sinks.... walang nasaktan.. lahat nakalabas at nakapunta sa safe na lugar...]
Saturday, November 19, 2005
-2:00 PM
dalawang klase ng communication process meron tayo..
verbal [mga salita] and
non-verbal [signals or body language]... minsan ang non-verbal kayang mag stand alone.. example.. pag-nod ng ulo.. [ibig sabihin "oo"].. pero ang verbal imposibleng walang kasamang non-verbal na part...
ngayon ano ang double-bind...?
diba minsan sabay nating ginagawa ang verbal at non-verbal...
tulad ng
pag-ngiti... at pagsabing masaya ka...ang double-bind...
hindi nagtutugma ang dalawa.... [verbal at nonverbal]
halimbawa...
sinabi mong mahal mo ang isang tao...pero hindi nakita or naramdaman ng taong yun...ang double bind...
pag-iyak at pagsabing wala kang problema...[sa mga Asian... [tayo yun]... mas mapagkakatiwalaan ang nonverbal na pinapakita kesa sa verbal na sinasabi... sa western people naman... kabaligtaran... hmmm hehe galing ulit sa comm3.. sana may natutunan kayo...]
Friday, November 18, 2005
-9:55 PM
ang cute kasi nung drawing eh... sarap tuloy i-hug sana nung cartoon character.. nakakaawa...
Thursday, November 17, 2005
-11:00 PM
ang difference ng nagsisinungaling na babae sa nagsisinungaling na lalaki... [in general lang.. cases ng iba't ibang studies... syempre may mga iba...]
ang babae nakikita sa mukha [facial expression] kung siya ay hindi nagsasabi ng totoo... madalas
nakikita to sa mga mata... ang babae daw kasi hirap itago ang tunay na nararamdaman sa facial expression..
ang lalaki naman...
kayang humarap sayo diretso at magsinungaling ng harap harapan.. ang nagpapakita lang na nagsisinungaling sila ay ang kanilang mga kamay...
** mga extra 'fyi' sa comm3.... enjoyable class... mag-leaƱo kayo... =]
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
-8:30 AM
SCARE TACTICS...
hala.. ang bading...
cool siguro magtrabaho dito.... or something...
grabe unang tingin mukha siyang lalaking lalaki.. hahahaha...
http://www.break.com/articles/scaretactics.htmlCHINESE BACKSTREET BOYS...
hahaha.. ito yung two chinese dudes na sinasabi ko... hehehe... kulit...
as long as you love me...
http://www.break.com/articles/loveme.htmli want it that way..
http://www.break.com/articles/thatway.html
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
-11:30 PM
eng11: First Day of Classes [episode 1]
pasok ang prof.. kakagising ko lang mula sa pagkakaidlip... antok parin... hmmm... late kasi yung prof.. describe ko siya sa inyo... manipis at matulis ang kanyang mga kilay.. parang laging galit at laging may iniinspect na kung ano... nakasalamin... hornrimmed na medyo subtle kasi metal ang frame... banat ang buhok na nakatali sa isang mahigpit na pusod.. hmm nai-imagine niyo na siguro.. kung maikukumpara.. para siyang si miss minchin... hehehe....
unang naisip ko.. naku mataray... totoo nga.. pinalabas ang mga hindi pa bayad... dahil ayaw niya raw sa mga sawsaw...
hiniling na isa-isang tumayo sa harap ang bawat isa para iintroduce ang sarili... alphabetical order... siyempre.. ilang saglit lang ang lumipas at ako na kagad ang tinawag...
prof: [pagtayo ko pa lamang] iha, mukha kang napilitan lang na i-take ang subject na ito... did your parents force you to study here..?
jeni: [ngiti lang.. ayaw ko naman gumawa ng first impression na pangit..]
prof: mukha siyang grade school noh...?
jeni: [nararamdaman ko ng uminit ang aking mga pisngi at tenga...]
prof: [to the WHOLE class] mukha lang siyang batang inutusan ng nanay bumili ng suka...
jeni: [what the heck??!!]
jeni: BUT I'M ACTUALLY 17 YEARS OLD..... [nahanap ko narin ang aking boses]
prof: but still.. you look very young...
jeni: hmmm well... I'm maria jennifer f carino.. you can call me jeni... i'm a freshman under the program business administration and accountancy...
prof: so what do you like about literature..?
jeni: i'm more inclined to fantasy novels.. books that make you think in a ver creative or imaginative way.. i prefer books rather than movies based on books... [may nag-react.. Harry Potter daw..] yeh... i like the hp books netter than the movies they make from it...
prof: why..?
jeni: you are free to create your own version of the characters or the story... you give the words their life...
prof: what do you hate about literature..?
jeni: i don't like novels by filipino authors.... filipinos tend to write different depressing versions of the filipino society... it's too dark and sad...
prof: but that's because the Philippines is dark and sad...
jeni: still there could be other things we can write about... i especially dislike f. sionil jose... the mass...
prof: well, you can't force someone to like what you like...
jeni: thank you... [upo na.. whew!] [thinking buti na lang natapos rin]
hindi natapos... may nagrecite.. sumunod sakin... favorite niya ang the mass... emphasis sa "THE MASS"... specially daw... tawa sila lahat at lingon sakin... haaay... kung nakikita ko lang sana ang sarili ko... alam kong namumula na ako....
hindi parin natapos.... sa recitation period... gumagamit ng mga remark yung prof ko ng tulad ng... "just like what 'OUR LITTLE GIRL' [referring to me.. siyempre] said about etc etc blah blah blah..."........ [oh mehn]....
haaaaaay... simula ng interesting na sem... eng 11.....
nanliliit nanaman ako...
Friday, November 11, 2005
-10:33 PM
It Was YouAshley Ballard
When I think
of what I've been through
I can see
that you've always been there for me
to tell the truth
don't know what I'd do
without you
Half of my dreams would not come true
You are the one
that I have hoped for
Now my life
means so much more
Now we can be
together forever
Forever just you and me
be here for you
you here for me
It was you
who showed me I got a friend in you
I always knew
that you'd be right here for me
and it was you
who stuck with me
when the skies were blue
and it was you
who stood by my side
It was you
Since the day
you came in my life
I knew then
that you'd be someone by my side
Then you proved
you're a friend to me
Within my heart
wherever, you will always be
You are the one
that i have hoped for
all my life
means so much more
now we can be
together forever
just you and me
there for each other
It was you
who showed me I got a friend in you
I always knew
that you'd be right here for me
and it was you
who stuck with me
when the skies were blue
and it was you
who stood by my side
It was you
It was you
who showed me I got a friend in you
I always knew
that you'd be right here for me
and it was you
who stuck with me
when the skies were blue
and it was you
who stood by my side
It was you
It was you
who was always right by my side
when I just can't do it
you helped me through it
we're friends forever
like best friends should be
You'll always be
a special part of me
It was you
who showed me I got a friend in you
I always knew
that you'd be right here for me
and it was you
who stuck with me
when the skies were blue
and it was you
who stood by my side
It was you
It was you
who showed me I got a friend in you
I always knew
that you'd be right here for me
and it was you
who stuck with me
when the skies were blue
and it was you
who stood by my side
It was you
It was you
showed me I've got a friend
I always knew
that you'd be right there
It was you
stuck with me when the skies were blue
and it was you
I know that I can count on you
It was you
who showed me I got a friend in you
I always knew
that you'd be right here for me
and it was you
who stuck with me
when the skies were blue
and it was you
who stood by my side
It was you
You are a friend to me,
It was you
[ahehe luma na tong song na to.. pero all time favorite song ko.. nauna pa sa till thay take my heart away.. ganda kasi eh... for the special people... kilala niyo kung sino kayo... lagot kayo sakin kung di kayo sigurado kung tinutukoy ko kayo... hahaha]
-2:16 AM
friday:
pasok sa klase.. nalate ako ng gising kaya medyo naghabol at mukha na kagad stressed.. hindi pa man nakakapasok.. inconsistency ng weather... nasaktuhan ko pa ang araw na mainit para mag-jacket... nung dumaan yung jeep kong sinasakyan sa tinatawag na "compund" isang residencial area ng mga muslim/islam... may mama na sumakay.. at dahil may space sa tabi ko.. dun siya umupo... nag-bow siya ng head at nagreturn ako ng friendly smile... hmmm umuulit ulit nga lang sa isip ko na don't talk to strangers.. jeni talaga... hmm... so.. describe ko muna siya... naka long sleeves na brown.. long hair.. basta lagpas ears.. naka maong pants na gray.. hindi kasi blue eh.. tsaka naka leather slippers... tipong pag nasa florante at laura ka na setting.. akyat ka ng bundok.. siya yung maggguide sayo sa kailangan mong gawin.. siya ang magsasabi sayo ng mga lihim ng mahihiwagang hayop sa bundok niya... hehe.. at may dala siyang full robe na white... yun.. tapos kinausap niya ako!!... hindi ko nga lang naintindihan.... kasi ibang diyalekto... ang usapan...
mama: henalmsih something something..
jeni: po??
mama: [nagsmile at nagbow]
jeni: [smile nalang rin]
mama: malamig no? sana hindi umulan [with matching accent]
jeni: [bagamat nagulat] onga po eh...
mama: [smile]
....
mama: hilnmnsdilihnmna... something ulit...
jeni: ho??
mama: ang sabi ko hilnmnsdilihnmna.... ang ibig sabihin... naaaapakaganda mo...
jeni: [wala akong nasabi eh] ngiti nalang
....
mama: [bago bumaba] mauuna na ako sa iyo.. mag-iingat ka ha....
jeni: kayo rin po... [sa isip isip.. close na tayo..? ano na nangyayari...? para kong biglang nailipat sa story book]
ahehehehe... kakaibang pangyayari no...????? hmmmm...
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
-7:00 PM
monday:
nagsimula ang lahat.. kinakabahan ako.. hindi ako marunong mag-enroll!! haha... joke lang.. pero kabado... alam naman na siguro ng marami na sadya lang talagang mababa ang self confidence ko... hmmm... hindi niyo ako masisisi... pano nga ba nagsimula... binigyan ako ng crs ng pangit na sched.. anlakas ng loob ko dahil kinancel ko ang nakuha kong eng1 at comm3... hahaha.. sa napakababaw na rason... ang rason ko... yung isa sa cal tapos yung sunod sa as... malayo lalakarin... hahaha ang arte ba...? hindi... may mga rason... hmmm edi kinancel ko nga.. at kabado akong pumunta sa up para malaman kung ano ang nararapat kong gawin... so sige form5a muna.. ngunit nagkaproblema.. wala kasi akong id... nasa pila na ako.. sa unahan... umalis pa ako para kumuha ng certification.. rvc id... grabe nga naman at nalipat ako sa end ng line.. mula 8 ay naghihintay ako... 9 na nagstart at 10 ang simula ng enlistment na kailangan ko... haaaay.. edi walang nagawa at naghintay na lamang... sumunod naman.. sinwerte sa enlistment.. pinaboran ata ako ni God na makausap ang mga mababait na nagpapa-enlist.... madali akong nakakuha ng comm3.. ako pa ang huling ipinasok sa class na "in demand" yung prof dahil magaling at mabait daw... naubusan ako ng eng1.. nag-eng11 nalang ako.. pero ang maganda dun... 302 yung comm3 ko at right after 312 ang eng11 ko.. maganda diba..? ganun rin ang nakuha kong kas1 at chem1... ph422 at ph1100 respectively... hahaha... natuwa naman ako... kaya lang naubos ang aking swerte... kasi nung nag-lunch kami sa philcoa.. tinawagan ako ng dadi ko na dadalhin niya na lamang ang blankong check para ako nalang maglalagay ng amount na kailangan ko.... pagbalik ko sa up.. pina-cancel ko ang aking pe na maling mali ang schedule... kaya nawalan na talaga ako ng pe... sumunod naman pumunta ako sa our para sana kumuha ng bagong id.. sa cashier na daw... pagdating ko dun... sobrang haba ng pila!!!... nahihilo na ako nung ako na ang nakaharap sa kahera.. muntik pa akong di payagan bumili ng id... haaay... balik naman sa cba... haynaku nga naman at di pa pala kailngan yung resibo ng id.... rvc id ok na... pero sige mabilis lang ang form5 at assessment.... muntik pa akong maubusan ng money... hehehe... tapos na at as nalang ang punta ko para magbayad... biglang tumawag ang dadi ko at galit.. bakit daw hindi pa ako umuuwi... walang susi ang nakababata kong kapatid at uwian na daw nun.. edi dali-daling umuwi... bukas nalang ang pagbayad... madali nalang yan...
tuesday:
kinabukasan.... dala ko ang check at pumunta na ako sa as... sabi samin... after considerable amount of time wasted... matagal pa daw sila magbubukas dahil sa updates ng mga pc.. ahhh ok... sa cashier nalang... edi punta nga ako dun... at nakapila nanaman.... after magbukas ng cashier... naisipan ko biglang itanong kung tu,atanggap ng check ang cashier... sabi ng guard tanong ko daw sa loob... haaay... either cash or manager's check daw... what the heck! di ko alam ang difference ng check kong hawak at ng mager's... hahaha... edi tawag ulit sa dadi.. tinatamad... umuwi nalang daw ako at bukas nalang after ng klase ko.... sabi ba naman sa crs sched ko.. may math ako ng wed... haha badtrip nung una.. typo lang pala.. yey!...
wednesday:
at wed na nga... punta ako sa atm para magwithdraw.. wala ng laman na pera... hahaha.. edi lipat ng banko... haaaaay.... at saka palang nakapagbayad..... sandali nalang ako naghintay sa cashier at enrolled na ako.... hehehe... pero nangangatog parin ang legs ko sa paglalakad... ang hina talaga.... hahaha... certfied up student na... tuwa pa sa kinalabasan ng subjects ko.... yehey...
Sunday, November 06, 2005
-12:15 AM
para sa mga member ng nbsb [no boyfriend since birth] club... hahaha... naalala ko si brittney last june 11.. tinry nya akong iintroduce sa mga lalaki niyang kaibigan nun... tsktsk as if pumunta ako sa b-day nya para maghanap...masyadong big deal para sa kanya na 17 na ako wala parin naging bf... haha so what..?
para sa mga tulad ko na nilalagay sa awkward situation na ganun..
Q: BAKIT WALA KA PANG BOYFRIEND?
DON'T BE DEFENSIVE. It will only egg them on and encourage them to press more. Keep your voice even and answer as neutrally as possible. Say: "I haven't found someone who shares the same interests."
DON'T PUT YOURSELF DOWN. Refrain from downgrading your qualities. Not having a boyfriend doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. Simply tell them your life is going so well you couldn't ask for anything more.
SMILE, KEEP SILENT OR DROP THE SUBJECT. Just smile sweetly and move on.
BE OPTIMISTIC. Answer with a smile and with a breezy reply that conveys that you're sure you'll be meeting The One soon. It will happen when it happens, at the right time.
Saturday, November 05, 2005
-10:59 PM
ang astig... exactly how i feel... "CHAOTIC NEUTRAL"...
"I am the shadow, the mist, and the wind. My intentions are hidden and
my reasons are my own...."
SILVER
Your Inner Dragon is to dragons what the Ranger is to humans. Silvers
are one of three types of metallic dragon, the others being Gold and
Copper. Like all metallics, Silvers rigidly adhere to an internal code of
conduct. Unlike the other two metallics, however, this code is not
universal. Each Silver must develop their code individually, a fact which
explains their unique dispositions and actions. Silvers are often
considered outcasts or shadows dwelling on the periphery of dragon
culture (much like human Rangers), but they can always be counted
upon to speak the truth and help their allies. Because no one but a Silver
knows what they'll do next [HAHA TAMA!!], their alignment is "Chaotic Neutral."
Being a Silver isn't all shady head-games, though. You possess
considerable intelligence and self-confidence (whether they manifest
themselves or not), and given the opportunity could make a great
leader. Magic isn't really your bag, but you're awfully good at slipping in
and out of a situation or conflict undetected. Which, by the way, may be
due to your slightly-below-average size [OH NO! HANGGANG SA DRAGON-SELF KO MALIIT PARIN AKO???] more than anything else. Your
favorable attributes are dependability, durability, problem-solving, mist,
fog, silver, and pewter. Like your human counterpart - the Ranger -
you're a superb weapons user and have an especially good command
of your icy breath weapon [TSK TSK COLD]. Just keep in mind that even your friends may
find your ethics hard to accept from time to time.
[hmmm hehe galing rin sa blog ni leon... nakaka-intrigue... leon.. we're from the same family.. metallic dragons.. hehehe..]
Thursday, November 03, 2005
-9:42 AM
**nakalagay sa pic na to.. bago ko i-edit... 'don't cry, sweet angel... spread your broken wings... and fly'.... DNAngel.. tagal ko ng ginive-up yung idea.. bakit ko bigla naalala....
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
-9:04 AM
Do you believe in magic in a young girl's heart
How the music can free her, whenever it starts
and it's magic, if the music is groovy
It makes you feel happy like an old-time movie
I'll tell you about the magic, and it'll free your soul
But it's like trying to tell a stranger bout rock and roll
If you believe in magic don't bother to choose
If it's jug band music oer rhythm and blues
Just go and listen it'll start with a smile
It won't wipe off your face no matter how hard you try
Your feet start tapping and you can't seem to find
How you got there, so just blow your mind
If you believe in magic, come along with me
We'll dance until morning till there's just you and me
And maybe, if the music is right
I'll meet you tomorrow, sort of late at night
And we'll go dancing, baby, then you'll see
How the magic's in the music and the music's in me
Yeah, do you believe in magic
Yeah, believe in magic of a young girl's soul
Believe in the magic of rock and roll
Believe in the magic that can set you free
Ohh, talking bout magic
Do you believe do you believe do you believe in magic
Do you believe like I believe do you believe, believer
Do you believe like I believe do you believe in magic
***haaaay... may pag-asa pa...
-8:35 AM
hmm.. sino nagsabing 'words can never hurt me'.. hmm weirdo siya..
masgusto ko ng masaktan physically.. hmm isipin mo sana maigi mga
sinasabi mo... not necessarily sensitive ang isang taong nasasaktan
dahil sa salita.. minsan depende rin sa nagsabi kung nakakasakit
talaga... madalas nag-eexpext tayo na never magsasabi ng masasakit
na salita mga malalapit satin at mahal natin pero minsan ganun lang
talaga.. tao rin nga naman sila.... hmm haaay... minsan nga naman...
may masasabi ka na pagkasabi mo gusto mong irewind ang oras at
bawiin lahat pero hindi pwede... ganyan talaga... ingat sa salita... di mo
alam nasasaktan mo nagmamahal sayo... hmm hehe...
mahirap rin humanap o maghintay ng pagkakataon para magsori...
haaay...
-2:10 AM
never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game...
not perfect.. i'm not as perfect or as good as you seem to see me.. i have flaws.. insecurities that haunt me every night before i close my eyes.. and each morning when i face the new day with the same problems... i still try.. well what else can i do... like everyone else.. it's not like i have any other choice.. running away and lying to myself seem like pretty good ideas a such moments.. but it won't change a thing.. you speak words as if you were from another century.. somehow.. stuck in a fantasy world... your words are like songs.. poetry... i've been cheering you on.. ever since you poured out your problems to me... forgetting mine for a while so that i could think of ways to help you.. sure did a lousy job though.. i wracked my brains thinking about what feel-good quotes or sayings i could tell you next.. lame ones came up often.. you can't blame me.. i can't be a problematic teen and a counselor at the same time.. that'd be impossible.. i offered to be your friend... well.. i didn't actually offer.. because you came to me.. i didn't push you away then.. hmm.. sori ngayon yun ang ginagawa ko.. sori talaga.. naisip ko lang na wala akong choice kasi hindi ka naman nakikinig... hmm.. nagulat ako sa reaction kong natanggap.. hindi ko inexpect.. hindi ko rin alam ano appropriate reaction.. so ang labo ng nanyari.. hmm.. hindi ko nrain alam kung pano magsalita ngayon.. unlike noon... you keep saying.. "hindi nga pala ito gusto mo marinig"... "tsaka ano ba babaguhin ko".. neither of which alam kong sagutin... haaay... pinoproblema ko narin... i've been losing people for the past year.. starting to think na ako ang ma rpoblema.. minsan i give up and just think... hindi naman mauubusan ng pagkakataon eh.. everything will play out right in the end... dapat kasi ganun nalang din iniisip mo... hmm.. may nagsabi sakin... "naiisip ko pag may problema ako.. maraming iba na masmalaki ang problema kesa sakin... kung sila nga kaya eh.. ako rin dapat.."... hmmm siguro kung nakita mo rin yung smile ng person na yun.. maiinspire ka... tulad ko... hmmm... yun ang tntry kong sabihin sayo eh.. don't look down on yourself.. pano magkakaron ng confidence sayo ang ibang tao kung ikaw mismo wala sa sarili mo... hmmm minemeasure mo sarili mo agad.. and you always set standards na pag hindi mo nameet.. you feel bad for yourself.. unintentionally, i guess.. you force me into feeling sorry for you too.. most of the time i don't.. kasi naggive up ka kagad.... once na magfail ka wala na... tama na... lagi mo sinasabi sakin mahirap... that i don't have any idea... pero kasi dapat pace mo sinusundan mo.. hindi pace ng iba.. sabi mo nga sakin masyado maraming strings attached.. siguro you have to sort out the strings and put on your own show... kaya mo naman eh... hindi mo kailangan sabayan o maunahan kahit sino... kahit ako... hmm.. tinatanong mo kung may meaning ang accomplishments mo.. oo meron... thre's no such thing as little accomplishments... one step at a time lang naman talaga lahat ng bagay eh... process.. system... it's good that you begin things with the end in your mind.. hmmm.. every little thing you do along the way is important... stop telling yourself otherwise... start listening to people... minsan kasi kinoclose mo na kagad isip mo... convincing yourself na alam mo na both sides... ang kailangan mo lang gawin ay piliin kung sino ang pakikinggan mo... hindi ka naman kasi ipapahamak ng mga taong may pakialam talaga eh... haaay.. parang personal letter na pala to.. bakit nga ba sa blog ko nilagay... haaay...
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
-10:18 AM
Ayo ladadayoAyo ladadayo ladeeda
Sometimes I give in to sadness
Sometimes I don't
Doo doo doo doo
At times I'm part of the madness
Sometimes I won't
Give in to you
You see in a way
I have been drifting down a river
To nowhere
And you've given me nothing
But if you're ready to be my everything
If you're ready to see it through this time
And if you're ready for love then
This I will bring
But I'm not gonna wait for you forever this time
Ladeeda ayoladadayo ladeeda
At times I feel myself smiling
At times I'm not
Doo doo doo doo
Yeah yay
What's with the guilt that you styling baby
Talk don't look good on you
You see in a way
I have been looking for a reason to go there
And you're leading me nowhere
And if you're ready to be my everything
If you're ready to see it through this time
And if you're ready for love then
This I will bring
But I'm not gonna wait for you forever this time
Ladeeda ayoladadayo ladeeda
Are you waiting for a special occasion
To give me your heart
Cause I need a little confirmation
To make a real start
Don't wait till it's too late
Are you ready to show me?
Are you ready to love me?
You see in a wayI have been drifting down a river
To nowhere
And you're giving me nothing
And if you're ready to be my everything
If you're ready to see it through this time
And if you're ready for love then
This I will bring
But I'm not gonna wait for you forever this time
And if you're ready to be
Ready to be my everything
And if you're ready to see it through this time
If you're ready for love then baby
This I will bring
But I'm not gonna wait forever this time
ladayo ladadayo ladeeda
-9:57 AM
nung summer narinig ko mula sa isang kaibigan.. "wala na ang dating jeni..."... "nagbago ka na.."... kagabi lang... mula rin sa kaibigan ko na yun... "sori ha.. akala ko ikaw yung nawala... hindi pala... ako pala yung nawala nung araw na yun..."
tagal ko ng iniisip kung ako nga ba yung nagbabago at lumamalayo.. o ako yung hindi nagbabago at naiiwan.. hmmm.. haaay.. ako parin kung ano ako sayo una mo kong nakilala at naging ka-close.. hindi ako nagbabago.. kahit nagbabago pa lahat ng nasa paligid ko... hmmm... kaya parang stuck ako parati sa past eh.. hehe... basta... walang dating jeni.. jeni lang meron.. ako parin to...